Wednesday, December 3, 2008

ABC Wednesday: Tales from Toby

This week we have come to the letter T, which is perfect timing for my guest host today . . .


. . . Toby!

Good morning, everyone. Let me introduce myself; my name is Toby. The woman you know as Prairie Rose has asked me to fill in for her today as she is flying off to Phoenix, Arizona this afternoon to visit her daughter, my former personal assistant. I was more than happy to oblige as it has been some time since I have had access to this blog. Some of you may recall that I wrote a previous post in June when the Woman was feeling rather harried. If you would like to know something of my life history, you may want to peruse that article; otherwise, I will not bore you today with redundant details of my personal background.

The Woman will not return home for a week, and during her absence she has asked me to assume responsibility for running the household here. A wise choice, I believe, as the Man is rather lax about household duties, and the Young Woman who also lives here has no concept of them whatsoever. The Woman has tidied up and assured that all was in proper order before leaving, fortunately, including taking a few photographs of yours truly to illustrate this article.

I must admit this is a rather flattering portrait; however, I have tactfully suggested to the Woman that she enroll in a photography class to understand the concept of reflection through a window.
During the Woman's absence my major duty will be to supervise the Man and instruct him in proper methods as necessary. Laundry is not a cumbersome chore here, but nevertheless I no doubt will have to assist the Man in the proper settings of the laundering appliances.


Usually the Man depends on the Woman for instructions on the rare occasions he uses these appliances. Apparently, the Man was discharged from this duty some time before my arrival at the household. I prefer not to spread unsubstantiated stories, but I did overhear the Woman conversing one day that this dismissal had something to do with "shrinkage" and an occasion when "white underwear turned pink."


While I do not cook, my services may be called upon in the kitchen as well. The Man is capable of opening cans of soup and pushing buttons on the microwave, but I may have to point out to him the storage place for my gourmet dinners. The Man will survive, but I certainly hope I do not have to dine on that rather bland concoction called "Meow Mix" the entire time the woman is gone.
The Young Woman will need to be reminded of folding and storing her clean apparel. She has a rather nasty habit of taking clothes directly from the clothes basket to wear, or on occasion even buying new garments to replace ones she has misplaced. She will prove much more of a challenge than the Man.

Another rather tedious task I may be called upon to perform is entertaining the Young Woman's pet, whom she aptly named Coconut. Although I enjoy my hours of solitude for quiet contemplation, the canine needs frequent human stimulation to avoid lethargy or worse yet, falling into periods of depression. Fortunately, he is easily amused and an occasional mindless game of tag with me will probably suffice. It is unfortunate that he does not have a higher intellectual capacity so that we could engage in something more mentally stimulating. Nonetheless, I have promised to assist in whatever way I can, and I am a man of my word.


Egads, where did this photo come from? Does the Woman have no shame?! You would think a man could perform his toilette in privacy! Let us move on quickly...

The Man may also require some technological assistance in using the computer. Although he is quite adept at playing various games of cards, he is completely illiterate in other software applications. Currently, he spends several hours each day perfecting his strategy at Solitaire, as he has been recuperating for several weeks from a foot injury. The Woman did repeatedly ask him to accompany her on this trip--as did the Young Woman--but I suspect that she is secretly glad to have some time away from him. Likewise, the Man, I believe, is happy to have some respite from the daily chore lists and constant reminders that the Woman gives him.


I doubt that the Man will have any occasion to use the printer/copier, but I am quite adept at using it if the need arises. The Woman was quite surprised when I demonstrated my capabilities for her one day; I think she frequently underestimates my mental capacity.


The extra duties that I must take on during this period should not be too time-consuming and should allow me adequate time for my usual pursuits. I enjoy bird-watching from my favorite easy chair and have spent many a pleasant afternoon engaged in this activity. The large picture window also affords the perfect view of the driveway: if by chance, a motor car with some of the young Humans who often visit here drives up the lane, I have ample time to retreat to one of my secret places of seclusion. The young Humans mean well, I suppose, but they tend to be a rather rambunctious lot that disturb my quiet repose.


Evenings are often spent with the Man. A pre-dinner or post-dinner nap tends to aid in digestion, we have found. Afterwards, a few hours of television viewing often provide an entertaining diversion. I do hope the Man selects The History Channel or Discovery Channel; his predilection towards old Western movies or American football games are not quite my taste. However, either of those is preferable to the usual fare of "Law and Order" re-runs. One would think he would have memorized every episode by now.

Although I did state I would not discuss my background again, I did want to make one correction in my personal history. I erroneously stated in my last post that I was of Siamese heritage. However, a recent trip to the veteraniarian's office revealed that my heritage is actually Himalayan. This was a pleasant surprise. I am a faithful practitioner of the art of Zen, and I like to think that my ancestors may have preceded me in this pursuit, perhaps even studying at the feet of the Dalai Lama himself.

The week will go by quickly, and I am sure that all will go smoothly while the Woman is away. I am very pleased to have made your acquaintance and to have had this opportunity to spend some time with you through this enigma called cyberspace. Before I leave, the Woman has asked me to inform you that she may not be able to visit your journals while she is away, but she will catch up when she returns. I, in turn, will do my utmost to repond to all of your comments and queries if computer access and time allows.

I would also be remiss if I did not remind you that the ABC Wednesday posting is sponsored by a delightful woman named Mrs. Nesbitt and her colleagues at the ABC Wednesday Anthology.


Until we meet again . . .
Respectfully yours,


Toby, Esq.

34 comments:

  1. Toby...... you are one clever cat! That was a very good post you wrote there.
    It was lovely to see the photos of you all and as you say, the week will go quickly.
    Try not to make a mess of the place while the Woman is away. Not too many coughed up fur balls and odd little presents in unusual places for her to find!
    Enjoy your week with the Man and the lovely little dog!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Toby you have your work cut out for you this week..Whew!!!
    The man here when the lady of the house is away ..saves up and does a fast cleanup the day before she arrives!!My what a handsome feline you are..gorgeous eyes!! purzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz from
    Paisely and Babie ok and NG

    ReplyDelete
  3. Hi Toby, Good to see you again. I had nearly forgotten you live with the Woman. You must keep to yourself quite a bit. Have fun while the Woman is away. I am sure she will be having fun.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Toby, this was fantastic! You are so correct in your order of importance within the household!

    Great ABC!

    ReplyDelete
  5. Toby, your royal Himalayan heritage is quite obvious. Do you ever play with the orange and white American Domestic that was pictured in the last post? Or do you find such company tedious?

    I hope the Woman has a good time on her trip, and comes home with more Suguaro photos.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hi Toby, sounds to me like the household is going to do remarkably well while you are in charge!!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Toby, It looks like Coconut, the man and the young woman are in good hands. You take care of them and before you know the woman will return. btw, very beautiful portraits of a lovely Himalayan kitty!

    ReplyDelete
  8. Toby........I am in love with you! You are the most beautiful cat on the plannet (and so like my own best cat, now sadly gone) You look very competent and I'm sure your woman did the right thing leaving you in charge, the men don't seem to be very capable thses days :)

    Much love Suburbia x

    Have a great time Rose and thanks for visiting me before you left. Looking forward to hearing all your news on your return :)

    ReplyDelete
  9. Toby,

    I see that The Woman has confided in you and trusts you to take care of all she loves, including The Man, The Young Lady and Coconut. Be sure and tell Prairie Rose we will miss her and look forward to hearing about her adventures in the sun!

    I know you practice Zen detachment from ego, but I do have to say...you are a handsome cat.

    Gail

    ReplyDelete
  10. Excellent post! Beautiful blue eyes!

    ReplyDelete
  11. Toby, you are such a handsome cat and it sounds as though you are very responsible too. I am sure things will run smoothly while the Woman is away. However, if you run into trouble you can always call me.

    I hope the Woman has a wonderful time and doesn't feel too gulity about leaving us in the cold!

    ReplyDelete
  12. Dear Toby.....I was hoping that one day we would meet again. You seem to have everything under control.....what a great little chap you are.....

    I am sure said man will cook you a nice piece of chicken or some other tasty snack......if not the woman will make up for it when she comes home.......

    If you have any problems do not hesitate to visit my blog and I will do all I can to help (I can't believe I am talking to a cat)

    And please look after that little dog, I do love dogs....and you of course.......

    ReplyDelete
  13. Toby, don't let that ego run away with you now that you know you are a Himalayan. And give the little dog some credit- she looks like she has her owner very well trained.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Dear Toby,
    What am amazing animal you are and so beautiful....
    Do hope your woman has a marvelous trip.
    Sherry

    ReplyDelete
  15. Oh my goodness, this was so funny, and cute, and clever all rolled into one. Toby, you are a cat with quite the personality!

    ReplyDelete
  16. Toby - well you will certainly have many things to look after while The Woman is away, but she is quite certain in the knowledge that you will be able to handle it. You are a very handsome cat indeed.

    ReplyDelete
  17. Maggie May, I am pleased to make your acquaintance. I assure you that I am a very tidy feline and will see that fur balls are discreetly disposed of.

    Yours,
    Toby

    KBguy, Meow, mew to you, too. Thank you for hosting this week--you will notice I am bilingual.

    Yours,
    Toby

    Nature girl, No doubt we will not be too fastidious until nearer the Woman's return either. The Man also ascribes to this method of housekeeping. Next Thursday should be a rather busy day for us.I have seen your lovely companions Paisley and Babie. Please give them my best wishes; if I am ever in your vicinty, perhaps they would enjoy a quiet dinner with me.

    Yours, Toby

    ReplyDelete
  18. Lisa, I am glad to hear from you again. Perhaps you had forgotten about me because the Woman has been so obsessed with her garden this summer, that she failed to include me in her journals. She has phoned home to inform us that she arrived safely, and that she is in a place very warm. Incidentally, I enjoy viewing your photographs of birds and your identification of the different species. Your posts are very edifying.

    Yours, Toby

    Mrs. Nesbitt, I am pleased to make your acquaintance. I do try to be humble, but this household really could not survive without me.

    Yours,
    Toby

    Joyce, Thank you for your inquiry. On occasion I do interact with the orange tabby named Tarzan. However, his bailiwick is the outdoors, so my interaction is infrequent. During these cold days he does venture inside occasionally, but is relegated to the garage at night, being rather uncouth and less well-mannered than I.

    Yours, Toby

    Susie, Thank you for your concern. I am confident that I will be able to handle the household while the woman is away.

    Yours, Toby

    Tina, Thank you for your kind comments. I have been informed by the Young Woman in Arizona that my pedigree is much more noble than the Woman was aware of. I am sure the week will go quickly.

    Yours, Toby

    Suburbia, Thank you; the feeling is mutual. And I am truly sorry for your loss. I, too, lost a companion some time ago named Max. He was truly a jolly fellow, but life must go on. I do not want to be judgmental, but the human men I am acquainted with are hopelessly inept in the realm of household duties.

    Yours, Toby

    Gail, Thank you for your kind compliments. I do try to practice humility, but I am afraid this is a shortcoming of mine. The Woman no doubt will be obsessed with desert flora and will have much to say about that when she returns.

    Yours,

    Toby

    Antigoni, Thank you for your kind comments. I would love to visit your country some day. Of course, Egypt is my first choice of destinations, as they have a history of proper reverence for my kind.

    Yours, Toby

    ReplyDelete
  19. Beckie, Thank you for your kind offer of help; I hope I will not have to call upon you, however. The Woman has phoned home and informed us that she arrived safely. The Daughter has a very spacious new apartment with pleasant accommodations for the Woman. However, apparently a large canine named Bear also lives there. While he has taken to the Woman, he has a tendency to drool on her. Hmmm, I am not sure I would like this canine.

    Yours, Toby

    Cheryl, Thank you very much for your kind comments. I am sure the Man will see to my needs quite adequately; he and I have quite a good relationship. Do not feel badly about talking to a cat; the Woman does it all the time. Coconut is not a bad chap, actually, and we co-exist quite peacefully. I, too, am fond of the canines who have lived here.

    Yours, Toby

    Mr. McGregor's Daughter, I shall do my utmost to maintain some humility, although at times it is difficult. The young canine is a male, by the way, although your confusion is understandable as the Young Woman tends to buy him pink toys and accessories. I'm afraid the poor chap has some gender identity problems as a result.

    Yours, Toby

    ReplyDelete
  20. Too bad my Toby isn't more like you. He tends to be a drama queen and doesn't have a sedate or responsible bone in his body.
    Marnie

    ReplyDelete
  21. Ms. Sherry, Thank you for your kind comments. The Woman has allowed me to visit your blog, and I must say I enjoy it very much. I find the quality of harmony with nature to be very soothing, and I commend you for it.

    Yours, Toby

    Ms. Blossom, I am glad that you found this amusing. We felines have quite well-rounded personalities, you know.

    Yours, Toby

    Bear Naked, Thank you. Your bears are rather Terrific as well. May I be so bold as to say you have an intriguing name?

    Yours, Toby

    Cindy, Thank you; I am sure we will manage quite well, although I think the Woman is enjoying herself too much at the moment to have much concern about tidiness at home.

    Yours, Toby

    ReplyDelete
  22. Roses and Lilacs, Ah yes, I have seen your Toby. I assure you I am the only responsible feline in this household.

    Yours, Toby

    ReplyDelete
  23. Hello Rose! You just won my Christmas Giveaway! I don't suppose Toby can give me your mailing address?

    On my blog sidebar there is a "contact" link with my email information. Just email me your mailing address when you're back from your trip and I'll ship out your prize.

    ReplyDelete
  24. Congratulations Rose on winning Amy's mittens !
    I love Toby .. and I know my girls would love Toby as well. As far as I understand this Himalayan cats are bred from Siamese and Persians .. Sophie is part Himalayan .. but the Siamese part is dominant in her for the striking blue eyes .. other wise she looks nothing like the Main Coon side .. Emma looks much more Main Coon .. please don't tell Toby though .. they might get embarrassed ? haha
    PS .. I love the way Toby refers to the "Man" and Coconut ? LOL

    ReplyDelete
  25. Good luck Toby, you have been tasked with a large responsibility! Hopefully all goes well while 'The Woman' is out of town. ;)

    ReplyDelete
  26. Toby is geooorgeous! I hope you had a great time in Arizona and congratulations on winning Amy's give-away!

    ReplyDelete
  27. Dear Toby,
    I came here today to say hello to Rose, whom I have not conversed with before. I noticed that she won the give-away over at Blossom's...and I have 2 favors for you. First, please tell Rose I said hello, and hope to visit with her when she gets back. Second, please congratulate her on her win! Jan/ThanksFor2Day

    ReplyDelete
  28. Not only are you most photogenic, Toby, but your 'high brow' tastes obviously stem from your Himalayan heritage; however, knowing 'the lady of the house', also know home environment also had a huge part in your refined nature (so don't let her down ... expecting great things on your next post)!

    ReplyDelete
  29. Wow - what an extraordinary cat you are, Toby! And so photogenic!!
    I do hope your Woman has a wonderful trip to Arizona. A nice warm climate. Ummmmmm! Lucky!!

    ReplyDelete
  30. Well, Toby, you are quite the looker! But as refined as your tastes might be, I have to disagree with you about the reflection in the window--I thought it was a lovely photo even if you did have to share the spotlight with your Woman. If you talk to her, please tell her to have a wonderful time in the Valley of the Sun (and if you don't mind me saying so, she's a brilliant translator).

    ReplyDelete
  31. My apologies to all those whose comments appeared a little later. My access to the computer was limited this past week, and my household duties were somewhat greater than anticipated. The Woman returned this evening and was very pleased with the appearance of the house. I certainly hope that means she will attend to grocery shopping soon and purchase the proper food for me.

    Toby

    ReplyDelete
  32. Toby, you are one well-spoken, good-looking, and insightful feline gentleman. And I'm going to guess you eschew hugs as much as my Fiona does!
    ~Monica

    ReplyDelete

Thanks for stopping by. I love to hear from you, so please leave a comment. I'll try to reply here, but I'll definitely return the visit.