Sunday, June 21, 2015

Change Is Inevitable: Lessons From the Garden

Change is a part of life; we all know that. But while some changes are good, some are not so pleasant.  I like a change of scenery, a new hairdo, a new paint color on the walls,  But there are other situations where I'm perfectly content with the way things are, and when things begin to go in another direction, I become unsettled or stressed out.


My favorite flowering crabapple in full bloom in early May.


There are so many lessons learned from the garden, and the inevitability of change is one of the major ones.  Every spring I am a little sad to see the early blooms I enjoy so much fade away, and yet I know their end signals the beginning of something new as summer blooms slowly begin to take their place.  I am also consoled by the knowledge that they will return again next spring and delight me once again.

Every year, too, the gardener is faced the realization that she has lost some plants, whether to disease, pests, or the harshness of winter.  I lost several plants due to heaving, I think, because we had so little snow until late in the winter to protect them from the thawing/freezing cycle.  My Knockout roses, which I planted before I called myself a "gardener" and brought with me to this house eleven years ago, look half-dead this year.  Why?  I have no idea--I mean, how can you kill a Knockout rose??

'Brindisi' lily in previous years

The first Asiatic lily I planted, which had grown so huge in recent years and was definitely my favorite, is also a no-show this year.  I found it uprooted in the soil when I was cleaning up the garden back in early April.  I suspect it may have been a victim of a vole, since Sophie caught one nearby (after digging up a huge hole to find it).  I planted the pieces of bulb I could find, and I think a few little shoots are growing again.  But it will be a long time before this plant will grow to be the prolific bloomer it once was, if it ever will.




Not every change in the garden is a negative one, of course.  Plants grow, sometimes surpassing one's expectations.  Hostas in my shade garden have continued to grow by leaps and bounds.  Even after moving some to another area, the main shade garden is a jungle of green once again, to the point of taking over some of my favorite heucheras.  The same is true in the lily bed, where there suddenly is room for little else.

'Empress Wu' blooming for the first time.

The biggest change this spring for me, however, has not been in the garden, but with my mother. During the past year, we noticed she was having trouble with balance, and we were happy when she finally relented and began using a cane.  Other changes were more subtle, and it wasn't until she nearly collapsed one day and had to be taken to the hospital by ambulance, that we realized just how much her health had deteriorated.

Hollyhocks in the "wrong place," but I won't cut them down--they're a fond memory of my childhood, and the original plants came from my parents' home.

I know that many of you have experienced the same issues with aging parents, and I am thankful that my mother has recovered enough to return home.  But still it's difficult to see someone once so vibrant and always busy, whether quilting or putting up produce from her garden for the freezer, unable to do so many of the things she once enjoyed.  It's hard, too, to see my father suddenly becoming the caregiver, trying to mask his worry with a brave face for my mother.  At the same time, the love he has for my mother and the bond that these two have shared for nearly sixty-seven years is a true inspiration for all of us.


I try to ignore the weeds and the plants that badly need dividing or moving here and focus on the bright red poppies.

And so I am adjusting, too.  The garden, which once was my main obsession during the spring and summer, has been relegated to a lower priority.  I am letting go of the need for perfection--not that my garden was ever, ever anywhere near perfection!  The weeds are growing and growing, especially with all the rain, and I try to look past them to focus on the pretty blooms instead.  A few big projects I had planned for this year will just have to wait--after all, there will be another gardening season.

A coleus, a begonia, and a few leftover Profusion daisies thrown together in a pot.

I used to spend a lot of time planning the combinations of plants I wanted to plant in my containers. But when I found myself driving to visit my mother in the morning instead of leisurely mulling over all the plants I had purchased, I started just throwing things together in pots whether they color-coordinated or not.  And you know what--I like some of these just as much as those I planned!


The miniature Japanese garden still needs the dry garden completed and a little more tweaking, but I'll get to that one of these days.

I have always done every chore in the garden myself, except for the occasional help from the grandchildren.  But this year, I'm accepting more help.  Best friend Beckie came one morning to finish planting all the containers.  My granddaughter has been so busy this spring with various activities, but she came over one evening to help get the mini-Japanese garden in order once again.


She also created this simple little fairy garden in another area where nothing would grow in the rocky soil but sedums.  And whenever the rain finally stops, I'm hiring my friend's two granddaughters to help me weed and mulch the garden.


Do fairies like dogs?  I don't know, but I couldn't resist this addition to the fairy garden.  It's Sophie-approved and makes me smile every time I look at it.

As I am slowly learning to accept the changes over which I have no control, I have a new-found appreciation for the constants in my life and those small moments that can bring joy.

A little Zen time in the garden does wonders for the soul.

 Spending some time in the garden, for example, is one of the best therapies there is.  After a particularly stressful few days, I took a morning to work in the shade garden.  Nothing major, just a little weeding and planting.  But those few hours spent digging in the dirt on a beautiful day, listening to the birdsong with my faithful canine companions supervising at my side, did wonders for my spirits.

Ever so tiny, there's the beginning of a bloom here.

The garden reminds me,too, that there is always hope.  The Indian Pinks that I was so excited to find last year were a no-show this year, and I had resigned myself to accepting that they didn't like it here.  But just this past week, I noticed these--yes, they are tiny, but they are back and they will bloom!



And when it comes to constants, there is no plant that is as reliable as my beloved coneflowers.  Every year they return in greater numbers,  to the point that I have begun thinning them out a little.  But I can't bear to pull too many, because they are so faithful, a reminder that while the world around me may change, some things will always remain the same.  To me they represent the roots I have in this prairie soil, the land that my ancestors first tilled over 150 years ago.  They remind me that we are caretakers of this land for our short time here, but the land will be here for future generations. Change is inevitable, but life does go on.


I'm linking this post to Beth at Plant Postings' quarterly review of Lessons Learned in the Garden.

37 comments:

  1. My dear Rose,
    I understand. A day at a time my friend. A garden for solace.
    Perfection is not the answer.....striving for it, is exhausting and often futile.
    Just love your garden for what it is...............you created it, it is your piece of the world that you can truly call your own, at this point in time.

    Your Mother and Father are a team.........with a loving daughter by their side. I am sure whatever lies ahead you will deal with it because that is what we do................it isn't easy, but we do cope dear Rose.

    Thinking of you all

    Beautiful post, beautiful blooms, beautiful garden.................

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    1. Thank you, Cheryl; I know that you certainly understand. My parents have always been so independent, so seeing how much help they need has been quite a change for me. But my mother is slowly improving, and my Dad has finally learned at 89 how to operate the clothes washer:) I'm fortunate, too, to have my brother nearby; last night he and sister-in-law weeded most of Dad's large vegetable garden which he hasn't been able to keep up with this year. The garden really has become a sanctuary for me this spring.

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  2. How delicious your strawberry is, I can imagine, Sue. Lovely Sweet Williams, mine will soon bloom too and I liked your vases so will do the same with Sweet Williams. You have grown many rhubarb, I have no it. What do you do with it? Rose, lovely fairy garden! And all garden figures as well. Your lilies were very pretty and I had the same problem with Asiatic ones. After 2-3 years of flowering they got disease and I dug them away and tried to treat them but it had no success. Now I dig them up after 2 years and plant them in other spot.

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    1. Nadezda, ha, ha, the first part of your comment probably was supposed to go somewhere else--I think I've done the same thing:) I don't grow rhubarb, but my mother does, and she makes a delicious rhubarb custard pie. Combining the rhubarb with strawberries also makes a delicious pie or cobbler. I've never had this problem with lilies before, so I do hope my pink one recovers.

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  3. Oh yes, change is what gardening is all about and I like it a lot. Just think, now you can plant something new where the lilies once grew. Ah the possibilities. So sorry for your mother. I totally agree it is so hard seeing the aging process. So very hard. Please take care and it sounds like you are prioritizing right.

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    1. Tina, you're right; as much as I look forward to certain plants blooming each year, at the same time I most enjoy planning and planting a new garden. That type of change always invigorates me. Thanks for your caring thoughts.

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  4. Weeds? What weeds? I see a garden that is lovingly tended. No garden is perfect. Change is the only constant in the garden and in life. I know the disappointment in finding heaved plants. This happens a lot here during winter. We don't get the snow that your area gets. I watch for this and stomp things back in. The rotten moles have invaded the garden here lately. UGH... Annie thinks it is her job to dig out the invaders. Grrrrr. I know it is difficult with your parents. I will keep you all in my prayers...

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    1. Thanks so much, Lisa. The critters have been busy in my garden this year, but I've heard the same story from every other gardener in the area, so I'm not alone. The dogs chase the rabbits away, but they're so brazen--I'll see one sitting by the corner of the barn, just taunting Sophie, but she gets a little bored by them after awhile:( I have fewer weeds today--thanks to Beckie, Abby, and Belle!

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  5. Rose a beautiful lesson...I have learned to accept change more and more now and that was the reason for my second blog....but it is hard....and I have learned that one year a plant may not bloom and suddenly 2 years later it is back....so with each garden season it is a treat to see who will show up...as for the Knockouts...I have had iffy years especially when there is lots of snow and cold...they die all the way back and take a while to recover...that is further set back if spring is cold too. I hope your mother continues to regain her health.

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    1. Donna, I know I am fortunate--many people have experienced far worse changes than I. As for the Knockouts, you may be right about the winters. Last year was especially hard on them, and I noticed some pretty sad roses all around town.

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  6. I am so sorry about your mother, but I'm glad that she's doing better. My parents are also experiencing some difficult times, health-wise. It's not unexpected at their age, but it's still difficult.

    And, by the way, I planted a Knock-Out rose last year, and it didn't come back this spring. So apparently I can also kill a Knock-Out rose :-)

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    1. Cassi, I know you're going through the same thing. Because I live much closer to my parents, I'm able to visit and help more often. I knew this day would come, but I expected it to be my Dad, not my mom. Somehow I think I expected her to continue to be healthy and energetic for years and years.

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  7. There is a deadly disease called Rose Rosette that is attacking roses, including 'Knockouts.' In fact, I first noticed it on the 'Knockouts' in my garden, but it also attacks other roses and members of the rose family. Could that be your problem? Here is a link that describes the disease:http://www.gardeningknowhow.com/ornamental/flowers/roses/rose-rosette-disease.htm

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    1. Thanks for the tip, Dorothy. I will check it out, but I still think the harsh winters may be to blame for my Knockouts. They do have some blooms, so I'm hoping they will recover.

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  8. This is so beautiful, Rose. [tears] Every year, I have the same issues with some plants that struggle, some that bolt, and others that are reliable like clockwork. My parents are aging, too, and it's difficult to witness, even if it is a part of life. The loss of several extended family members this year has been tough. Like you, I find solace in the little things--especially little things in nature and the garden. They remind me, too, that life goes on. Thanks for joining in the meme and sharing your wisdom.

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    1. Beth, I know you have experienced some losses in your family this year, and I extend my sympathy. Working in the garden really has been a refuge and a way to lift my spirits. Thanks as always for hosting this meme--I so enjoy it!

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  9. I can relate to the worries about your parents, and particularly your Mom. I worry about my parents constantly. In a couple of weeks I am going home again to Nova Scotia to check on them.
    Change is the only constant in the garden. Voles ate all the fleshy roots of one of my favourite hostas last winter. I don't have any Knockout roses, but I did lose a number of roses as well. Thank goodness for the surprises like your Indian Pinks.
    I do hope your Mom rebounds and her health returns.

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    1. The critters seem to be especially bad this year. Every gardener in the area that I've talked to recently is experiencing problems with rabbits, squirrels, or something. Yesterday I discovered one of the Indian Pinks is gone as well as an Epimedeum...grrr. Hope your trip home goes well, Jennifer.

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  10. Your roses may come back better than ever next year, you never know. I am always finding plants coming back that I thought were gone for good. I certainly agree that the garden is great therapy. But I too am thinking of hiring a local high school kid to help with some of the big jobs. Best wishes to your mother. She is lucky to have such supportive family. My own mother started to decline rapidly after my father died - she had taken care of him at home while he had pancreatic cancer.

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    1. Jason, I had been thinking about getting the grandkids to help more anyway, but this year I really need it before things get out of control. Your experience with your parents is what I'm concerned about--I see my Dad getting really worn out from all the worry. My brother and I are doing our best to help him and to reassure him, but it isn't always easy.

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  11. Gardens can be such places of solace and comfort in the middle of difficult times. I am glad your mother is doing better, and I hope she continues to recover. I love your little miniature gardens - they are so cute!

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    1. Mom has been doing better the last few days, Indie; thank you. The new little fairy garden is pretty simple, but it's been fun to move things around and add a few more details when I can.

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  12. This is such a beautiful piece. I just loved it. Life lessons are best learned in the garden. You had so many touching connections to your heritage in the writing piece that are connected to your garden. I love the connections to times of life and people that a garden allows. Your mother no doubt deeply appreciates your visits and times with her, as does your father, but she will also know that you need those moments in the garden for peace, reflection, strength to face the changes, and lessons that you no doubt learned in her garden before you learned them in your own. Hugs.

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    1. Sally, it is amazing how much the garden parallels other aspects of life. One of the main lessons it has taught me is to slow down and enjoy the moment, which is something I am appreciating now. I realize how blessed I am to have this time to spend with my parents. In long hours of waiting in hospital rooms or just visiting at home, I've learned more about my grandparents and my parents' childhood memories that I never knew before. That's priceless.

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  13. I'm sorry to hear that your mother is having health problems, but I'm relieved to hear that she is back home and being looked after by your father. Your garden seems extra lush this year. I've noticed the same here in Maine, following a long cold winter and cool late spring, some plants died but the ones that survived, thrived. Your photos are gorgeous.

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    1. My garden is really thriving this year thanks to all this rain, Sarah. Good thing I haven't had to water, because I'm not sure I would have kept up with it in early June.

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  14. Hi Rose. I'm so sorry to hear about your Mom. I went through something like this a few years back. Mom and Dad both declined to a point that they needed skilled nursing and had to be moved to a nursing home. My gardens were neglected beyond repair, weeds and grass overran everything while I spent my days with my parents at the home. This year I worked on the gardens for hours day after day. Now the weeds and grasses are gone and the empty places are being filled by new plants. I'm very unhappy with the look of the new gardens but as you say, everything changes. Gardens are very fluid and a disaster one year can be beautiful the next. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family.

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    1. Marnie, I appreciate your kind words--I know you have been there and understand how hard it is. I am fortunate that Dad is able to do as much as he does, because I don't think Mom could have gone back home otherwise. Glad you are getting your garden back in order; weedy grasses can take over in no time, I think.

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  15. There is so much wisdom in this post. :o) Sometimes the best choice is to just go with the flow of each day and let go of our preconceived notions of how life should be. The most beautiful flower in your garden is always your family. :o)

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    1. So true, Tammy. I'm a planner, so not knowing what each day would bring was another hard adjustment for me. This experience has also taught me to be more flexible and go with the flow, as you say.

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  16. I pinked a tear away reading your beautiful post. I can understand so deeply how you must feel. It tells us also that we are all people off a day. We have to enjoy every day we got. Tomorrow can be so different. I have only a little garden but when I am feeling stressed it's so great to breath in the beauty of the flowers and the birds and insects. I wish you all the best.
    Big hugs Marijke

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    1. Thank you, Marijke. My mother is doing better than last week, but you are so right that we must appreciate each moment we have and not put off the important things, like spending time with family, until it is too late.

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  17. Yes, change is always happening in a garden and nature sees to that. Much cannot be explained as easily either. Welcome change because it opens one up to new ideas. You are very lucky your mom was well enough to come home. It is sad to see the change of age in parents. My parents did not last long enough to "change", but it was much better to have both go quickly. It made it an easier adjustment rather than watching them deteriorate. I wish your parents the best and bless you as well. It is hard trying to fit everything in when you know some things are of much greater importance.

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  19. Sorry to read that your mum is having health problems ... my best wishes to her and all the family.

    Gardens can be a solace, but sometimes adjustments need to be made with our time - just do what you can.

    I do so love the fairy garden, every garden should have a part of it especially for the fairies ... my dear Gran taught me that from a very early age.

    Thinking of you, and wishing you

    All the best Jan

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    1. Thank you, Jan. I'm glad to say my mother is doing a little better this week, and I've had some time to do some work in the garden again. How sweet to have those memories of your grandmother and the fairies!

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  20. Rose girl what can I say ? ... Your pictures are beautiful and I smile BIG time over the little gardens with fairies and Asian themes .. so cute!
    Yes ... we are at an age when change is so impacting ... I am sorry about your mom and dad .. they must feel the change so directly now themselves .. I hope it is a gentle change.
    I too accept more help from my Garden PA aka husband ... he is very good at knowing what I need done and doing it !
    He enjoys the garden a great deal himself ... from Mr. Chips our chipmunk to the amazing Goldfinches and other birds that seek sanctuary in the peace of the back garden.
    That is what we feel as well ... that the garden is a sanctuary ... even if there are weeds or what not ... I don't tie myself in knots about it any more ... I just try to enjoy what is there an soak in the peace it provides.
    Good luck with the weeding and mulching girl !
    Enjoy your beautiful garden !
    Joy : )

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