Tuesday, April 1, 2008

The Final Rabbit Solution

Having read several blogs lately about dealing with the bane of gardeners everywhere--the rabbit--I thought you might be interested in my foolproof way of keeping these little pests out of your garden permanently.

After rabbits devoured a whole row of vegetables in my garden last year, I was determined to find some way of deterring them from further destruction. After trying countless methods that simply didn't work, I hit upon a brainstorm, albeit a little drastic. I borrowed a taser gun from a police officer friend of mine. One late spring evening last year I stationed myself in the garden, hiding behind the tomato plants, clad in camouflage borrowed from my son, the hunter. My patience eventually paid off.

The enemy cautiously hopped in the garden, never suspecting I was lying in wait. As they began to nibble on carrot tops, I sprang up from my hiding place and zapped two of them before they even had a chance to swallow.

Quickly, before they could recover, I began the second step of the process of rabbit eradication. I retrieved the pail of plaster of paris I had mixed up shortly before. I poured the mixture on both of them, still unconscious from the taser, and smoothed a thick coating over their entire bodies. I propped them up carefully to allow the mixture to harden quickly.


You can see the end result is quite an aesthetically pleasing addition to my garden, plus it has the added benefit of deterring any further rabbit invasions. Apparently, the plaster statues serve as a warning to all rabbits what might happen to those who dare to enter my garden, much like the heads of criminals on the city walls of London did many centuries ago.

If you are interested in the exact process for creating these statues, you may email me at prairierose@aprilfools.com.

(Perhaps I've gone too far...I've read too much Jonathan Swift. Before anyone reports me to the ASPCA, these statues are actually in the Master Gardeners Idea Garden on the U of I campus. In a couple days I plan to post a story about a dear departed pet, Buddy the Bunny. I hope you will read it.)


  1. You naughty girl, you had me going for a bit there. Now I have tears of laughter rolling down my face.

  2. Such an imagination! I'm proud of you. Actually, I can't see you out in the garden at night...you'd be too afraid of worms coming out!
    Great story.

  3. You had me going for a minute! I am the proud owner of 2 bunnies and stared in horror at the screen for several minutes wondering how anyone could do that to a poor unsuspecting bunnie!!!
    It wasn't until I looked at the e-mail address that 'the penny dropped'! Dhuuuuu...

  4. Cheryl, I have been working on a draft about a pet rabbit we once had and hadn't planned to post anything today. But then I read a couple funny posts today and got inspired. Thanks for dropping by.

    Beckie, You're right--I wouldn't be out in the dirt at night with creepy crawlers all around. And I certainly couldn't hide behind a tomato plant!

    Suburbia, I hope I didn't sound too wicked today. My friends would tell you I couldn't hurt a living creature, unless perhaps a Japanese beetle.
    We once had a pet rabbit, too, and I'm planning to post about him on Thursday. Thanks for dropping by.

  5. You cruel woman!!! But you've done a very good job!

  6. Oh my gosh, just what I needed to calm me, Rose...I just wrote another post about the foundling at our place, so I was a bit angry still when I landed here--and started to giggle. This is brilliant, utterly brilliant. Could you perhaps zap the person who dumped a little cat off to starve at my place? Please?

    SEriously, this deserved a spot in my poem...I might need to add a second stanza. Totally brilliant!

  7. Liz, Thanks for dropping by. I'm going to have to spend some time visiting Wales.

    Jodi, Thanks for the compliments; I am honored to be praised by such a talented writer.
    My daughters are responsible for most of the foundlings at our house, but somehow I always become the one responsible for caring for every stray animal they bring home.

  8. If only that could be the solution to the rabbit problem!

  9. Carol, Thanks for stopping by. Your April Fools post this morning was the first one I read--I just had to join in the fun.

  10. I will definitely be trying your rabbit solution in my garden. Tasered rabbits make lovely garden ornaments, and if they serve as a warning to the ones that haven't been turned to stone, so much the better!

    Very funny post! With the day I've had, I sure appreciate the chuckle!


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